“You did WHAT???!!!” Her friends were screaming in her face, their lattes nearly spilling across the table.  Surrounding customers looked up startled by the high-pitched conversation in her direction. She answered them calmly, “I sent him a Sendapantygram.com. In fact, by now he’s holding some tiny little red lacy undies in his hands this very minute. He should have it around the eighteenth hole. I sent them to his caddie at the course…”

 

Her best friend, Elaine, was looking at her like she’d just escaped the rubber room. “Karen, you’re going to give the man a heart attack. He just turned fifty-five, got a divorce from a woman who made glaciers hot by comparison, and you’re sending him teensy underwear? Has he even seen you in anything like those Sendapantygram.com thingies?”

 

Karen smiled back. He likes me, but has this conception that I’m sexually shockable and naïve. No matter what I do he’s got me stereotyped as a Puritan. He says things like, “Pardon my French, when he swears and he doesn’t even know that I have a vocabulary that would…uh…make him blush like those panties…If anything’s going to go down between us it’s either going to be ignited by those panties and the message that goes with them. Or…I find me anudder putter…”

 

As the women convulsed into laughter, Eric opened a strange envelope delivered to him by his caddie right when he was about to swing. Out popped the panties and he stopped in his tracks. Rushing to the golf cart he grabbed his blackberry and went online to follow the panty-chase. Laughing out loud, he tossed his clubs into the car and shouted out to the caddie, “Gotta go, Mike. Just got an invite to a meeting that won’t wait. If you don’t hear from me in two our three days bring some canisters of oxygen and wheat germ.” The last thing he saw before he did a wheelie across the course, was his caddie’s puzzled stare.

 

Yelling to him over the green before he disappeared around the lake, Eric shouted, “A Sendapantygram.com! I got me a SENDAPANTYGRAM.COM! Whooohooooo…!!!!”

 

They say they both lost twenty pounds over one weekend. Last heard, they were heading for Paris. Oui! Oui!

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010