Pantygram

George’s Signs

admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:25:00 +0000

George was a man who believed in signs. A red-tailed hawk soaring above him on his right side could be a warning of some sort. A certain ache in his knee foretelling a shift in the weather…or his pet canary suddenly going silent—always a sign of negative energy about to hit.

So it was that George sat in his cubicle with everything arranged in anal-order of perfection—color-coordinated pens, paper, and miniature trilobite fossil collection neatly arranged just so. Coffee poured into his favorite teal blue dinosaur mug at exactly 8:31 a.m.—the steam hitting his thick glasses covering them into an instant fog. Last night’s memo was already online listing the daily schedule. All was precise. Nothing veered from the unusual. George lived and worked within the lines. “Wouldn’t it be nice,” he thought with a weary sigh, “if I could just once receive a sign that showed me things were changing…that maybe something would shake my world and land me in a place that was sexy. Exciting. Maybe even a bit risqué?” Yes, he smiled to himself. Naughty would indeed be nice.

And as if the Heavens answered his silent plea, Ruby Lee in Accounting decided to rock George’s world. Tired of living inside the lines, too, and longing for George to notice her just once behind his sequestered section at the far end of Lap Top Row, Ruby sent him a Sendapantygram.com—a little “somethin’-somethin’” in an envelope marked Confidential. Staring at it in amazement, he gingerly took out his Stegosaurus envelope opener and zip! There on his desk lay the prettiest pair of naughty-but-nice red lacy panties. The enclosed card directed him to adventures waaaay beyond his imagination, never guessing that as far as Ruby in Accounting was concerned, George’s boring days were very much numbered. The countdown to playful and sassy and take-off-those-damned-thick-glasses had definitely just begun…

Leonard’s Birthday Gift

admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:23:50 +0000

“So what are you going to give Leonard for his birthday?” Her bridge party pals were prodding her again. At that “somewhere-over-the-hillish” side of life she was a free woman—widowed and living unencumbered for the very first time. She’d met Leonard at a ballroom dance class. He literally swept her off her feet.

“Some wise, older woman once said to me,” Alice slyly smiled over the deck of cards, “…one should live your life like a loose garment…and so I am.” Jacqueline put down her glass of wine. “…and so you are WHAT?” she stared her friend down as if burning a bug with her eyes. “I’m being a carefree, somewhat loose woman…and I sent him something I would have NEVER sent to my sweet Abe, bless his dearly departed soul.” “WHAT’S THAT?” the entire bridge group shouted in unison. “…a Pantygram. In fact, this very minute he should be opening the envelope I mailed to him and inside…” she teased the moment with the perfect amount of drama… “…the little envelope he’ll find the tiniest, sexiest, laciest, most bright red pair of panties in the world. And there’s a card inside directing him to what I have planned to do with those panties if he so chooses to find me. He gets the message online on his computer.” All mouths were completely agape. The bridge group was rendered speechless. Alice smirked and turned to Sally. “Cut for me?” “Pass…” Sally gasped. “Meaning…I think I’m going to pass out.” And she did.

Cinderella Cindy Part 3

admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:22:50 +0000

The moon was huge. Its light so loud and bright in the sky it seemed like the whole world was up and dancing under it. The city was definitely not asleep. Pulsing music roared out from every open door and window. The booming thrum-beat of rap shook inside every passing car. TestosteROCK `n roll. Yeh, baby. Do it, do it good. His taxi screeched right in front of Big Daddy’s and he leaped out, his eyes doing a quick panorama-scan of the moonlit setting where Cindy promised she’d appear.

Little People hip-hopped around a park bench covered with candles and cakes. A 7-foot unicyclist pedaled by and handed him a balloon. And walking into this bizarre setting she appeared as if in a dream—Cindy. “I see you brought the panties,” she beamed. He melted. What was it about her that made him—a seasoned heart-breaker—simply melt? The clock in the tower began to chime its way to midnight. “You made it just in time,” she said into the back of his neck. “Or what?” he whispered. “You turn into a pumpkin?” “Or, we wouldn’t have time to turn into my bed…I’ve got two very over-protective sisters who happen to be kick-boxing champions. They’re at a competition until tomorrow. Let’s go, Prince Charming…” “What about this pint-size party?” he said pointing to the Little People romp around the park. “They’re my friends. It’s Gizla’s birthday,” she said waving to a three-foot, purple-haired, head-to-toe tattooed table dancer. “What are we going to do with these little red Pantygram panties,” he laughed as she pushed him into her car. “Use your imagination, Princey. The real party’s about to begin. Hang-on.” And as the clock rang out the twelve-o-clock hour, the two took off for an amazing happy ending…

Cinderella Cindy Part 2

admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:22:04 +0000

The card directed him to Jack’s on 7^th and Madison on Saturday at 10 pm. He was to sit in the last booth next to the band. And wait. By the time he got there the place was teeming. Thick with a massive crowd, the din of shouting, clinking glasses, and the piercing beat of the Irradicks. It was like walking into a thunder storm. The last booth had a “reserved” card on it, just as the Pantygram message indicated.

He slid into it and ordered a tall one. When it arrived, a card was attached. “Enjoy. It’s paid for. At 10:30 a waiter will hand you another message. Be sure and do as it says. And don’t forget to bring the panties with you…by the way, you look very hot.” He looked around to see if she was there. A mass of faces, eyes, smiles, teeth swirled in a sea around him. But not her. How did she know he looked hot? Where was she? Should he just ditch this place and toss the panties into the crowd? The thought crossed his mind for a fleeting moment and then he remembered the other night. It was wild. Steamy. She was like no one he’d ever been with in his life. She said she liked surprises. And then she was gone in the morning. Like Cinderella. Only this time there was no glass slipper. Just a tiny red thong and another message. “Meet me in the moonlight at Big Daddy’s before the clock strikes twelve…” He wrapped the panties around his wrist and hailed a cab to find a girl named Cindy before midnight…

Cinderella Cindy Part 1

admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:20:24 +0000

She sat at the bar and watched him. He was the one in the ripped red t-shirt who was presently being trampled in the mosh-pit. The music was pounding. The sound of bodies body-slamming into each other the impact resonating throughout the club. He held his own. She thought he was insanely sexy. Falling and getting up again. Catapulting into backs and faces. Arms. Hands. Legs. Feet. Slam-slam-slam. It was madness. Like watching crazed gladiators. The strongest would survive.

He stood up and raised his hands to the ceiling and began to laugh. She had to know who he was. There was something about him. Sliding off the bar stool she stared him down. He felt it. Turning, their eyes met. He followed her into the night. They never got last names but days later he received an envelope in the mail. Opening it he smiled and then threw his head back and laughed like he’d never laughed before. He thought he’d seen it all. But not this. A Pantygram? The tiniest lacy red thongs slipped into his hands. Very nice. But a Pantygram? Who was this girl? Reading the card he began to realize the adventure had just begun…

Cute Girl in a Crowded Bar

admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:11:07 +0000

He Was Her Everything Part 2

admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:10:06 +0000

“You did WHAT???!!!” Her friends were screaming in her face, their lattes nearly spilling across the table. Surrounding customers looked up startled by the high-pitched conversation in her direction. She answered them calmly, “I sent him a Sendapantygram.com. In fact, by now he’s holding some tiny little red lacy undies in his hands this very minute. He should have it around the eighteenth hole. I sent them to his caddie at the course…”

Her best friend, Elaine, was looking at her like she’d just escaped the rubber room. “Karen, you’re going to give the man a heart attack. He just turned fifty-five, got a divorce from a woman who made glaciers hot by comparison, and you’re sending him teensy underwear? Has he even seen you in anything like those Sendapantygram.com thingies?”

Karen smiled back. He likes me, but has this conception that I’m sexually shockable and naïve. No matter what I do he’s got me stereotyped as a Puritan. He says things like, “Pardon my French, when he swears and he doesn’t even know that I have a vocabulary that would…uh…make him blush like those panties…If anything’s going to go down between us it’s either going to be ignited by those panties and the message that goes with them. Or…I find me anudder putter…”

As the women convulsed into laughter, Eric opened a strange envelope delivered to him by his caddie right when he was about to swing. Out popped the panties and he stopped in his tracks. Rushing to the golf cart he grabbed his blackberry and went online to follow the panty-chase. Laughing out loud, he tossed his clubs into the car and shouted out to the caddie, “Gotta go, Mike. Just got an invite to a meeting that won’t wait. If you don’t hear from me in two our three days bring some canisters of oxygen and wheat germ.” The last thing he saw before he did a wheelie across the course, was his caddie’s puzzled stare.

Yelling to him over the green before he disappeared around the lake, Eric shouted, “A Sendapantygram.com! I got me a SENDAPANTYGRAM.COM! Whooohooooo…!!!!”

They say they both lost twenty pounds over one weekend. Last heard, they were heading for Paris. Oui! Oui!

This was crazy! Part 3

admin — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:51:27 +0000

“What in the world…???!!!!” Standing in the buff, she immediately grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her. Still in shock, she nearly fell over discovering that it was Madge, her husband’s assistant—not her husband—who now faced her. “Jane????!!!!! What are YOU doing here? I was about to squash someone named, `Pumpkin’—certainly not YOU!” Jane tightened the towel against her while collapsing into the nearest chair. “I happen to be `Pumpkin,’” she said near tears. “I was trying to seduce my husband with a Sendapantygram.com little red panties and a big imagination. We’ve become—well you might say, kind of distant with each other. I thought this would do the trick to wake up the sleeping giant, if you get my drift.” Now it was Madge’s turn to collapse onto the bed. “OMG I’ve made a mess of everything. I came here to help save your marriage and now I lost my job!”

Jane threw on a robe and poured them both a glass of wine. “No, Madge. You’re fine. Dane won’t have to know a thing about this. Not to worry. Thank you for running interference. But now what to do? He’s going to go home and realize I’m not there—and either is my suitcase. He’ll think I’ve left him. And then…?” Madge began to smile. “Call him right now. Call him on his cell phone and get his ass in here while I make a swift exit. None of this ever happened, right? Now CALL HIM!” Within a half hour there were two knocks at the door. Jane gingerly sidled over to the door and whispered a wary, “Yes?” “Is this Janey, aka `Pumpkin’?, she heard her husband laugh. “Did you bring the you-know-whats?, she laughed back. Opening the door just a crack to see a tiny red pair of panties being waved around like a scarlet flag, she dropped her robe to the floor and welcomed her husband with open arms at last. Glancing over her shoulder he noticed the candles were almost burned down and two glasses of wine were emptied. “Uh, Janey, how long have you been waiting for me?” Unbuttoning his shirt and sliding off his tie, she pulled him over to the bed. “Oh about two and a half years and a cold bowl of oatmeal ago. C’mon, babe we’ve got a whole bunch of chili peppers and one sassy pair of panties to get us up and running. Starting now….!”

This was crazy! Part 2

admin — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:49:14 +0000

Her heart was pounding. He should have opened the envelope right now and about to follow her precise instructions—written in the most “sex-in- the-city-ish-guaranteed-to-cause-blushing-ished” style. He was to meet her at the Center on Nine Street Hotel, room #208 on Friday night at 8pm, and bring nothing but his libido. She was taking care of the libations—and more. She signed the Sendapantygram.com card, “With love, Pumpkin.” He used to call her that at one time. She hoped he’d remember. He was to knock twice and then she would open the door. Oh, and don’t forget to bring those fancy panties. They were integral to everything that would transpire. She packed her bag and realized she was shaking.

This was crazy! Had she lost her mind? She even decided to leave out the snore strip and mouth guard. New territory. She would be his fantasy in every way. Slathering on lavender lotion and a new shade of wow on her lips, she sidled her shiny pedicured toes into the new purple heels to match the slinky black dress cut to there. Hailing a taxi, she was soon arranging pillows, candles and flowers in their swank suite.

Trembling, barely breathing she waited for the two knocks at the door. She looked at the clock—it was 8 pm. on the dot. And then she heard them. Two knocks. This was the moment. This was hello chili peppers, good-bye oatmeal. Sidling over to the door she opened it and in an instant her sly smile turned into a horrified gasp. (TO BE CONTINUED…)

This was crazy! Part 1

admin — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:47:04 +0000

He raced into his office texting, listening to his Ipod and running to grab the phone. He was always on the move, no time to think, to breathe, to answer the mail. He shouted out to his assistant asking her to go through the growing stack in his inbox and just give her the important stuff. She grabbed the pile and began filing open each piece—zip, zip, zip. And then she stopped at a strange-looking envelope marked “Confidential.” Whoa. It was a Sendapantygram.com. Well, he told her to open everything.

Suddenly, she was holding the tiniest, laciest, sexiest pair of red panties she’d ever seen. And the card inside said, oh dear. Major steamy. She had just tread into Butt Thong Land and she didn’t want to know about it no way no how. But here she was facing the dreaded reality she never thought she’d have to face. Her boss was having an affair. The man she looked up to. The man who loved his wholesome, happy, no-nonsense wife was into something up to his cajones straying deep into midlife crisis territory. Some slut was trying to whoo him away from his cozy, marital world and this office assistant was going to do something about it. Starting right now. (TO BE CONTINUED…)